There are times to every one that they are not quite sure what they are after. They might be in the middle of confusion about what to do and what do make them in their position they are now. They feel fed up with everything around, routine activities , people and what is more their life.  People tend to seek answers within themselves. some get swayed and drowned by the flow of the environment. Some get depressed. Some give up. Some forget what their initial purpose and themselves. In times like these, there need to be an anchor or stance  which of course a crucial thing to hold so they will not be strayed. Well to some like me give time to themselves flashback and think of the purpose why they are in a certain position to help cope their problem.

As for me, I lately feeling exactly the way I expressed above. Feeling tired of new activities and stuffs, I began loosing the happiness I used to have before. There are many times that ‘tired’ pronounced from my mouth. There are also many times that I started questioning what am I doing?

Long ago before arriving at this position, I used to imagine a life which is busy of studying and books. I prayed without cease so God will listen into my prayer. I dreamt a life which is staying up late in the library with books and papers. Wondering how writing an essay would be. Now it feels nothing compared to my boredom. I am in tears calling my mommy and daddy, but I hide it, won’t let them know otherwise they will worry.

Well, what is your problem, Komilie?

Tired with my reading list – Well okay! Who in the world not tired?

Tired with cold – Come on, you were even dreaming about snow before?

Tired walking on the hilly street – Funny, do you remember the unlucky kids going to school miles without shoes on?

Worry about what to write in my essays – Wow, have you prayed?

Miss home – It’s not like you’re going to live here forever?

Doubt about my future? – You say you are a believer?

Me – 😥

Your Problem is You are not thankful enough, simple!

I give myself break, and do nothing. Sit silently and start debating with my own conscience. I was angry, sad and upset at the same time that I can only stare the ceilings with fours walls surround me.

I was taken aback when I remember how I prayed so hard to be here today. How much effort I put. I remembered the tears I shed to be this strong today. I question myself ‘where am I from and where am I going?’ I underline the purpose I was sent here, the beautiful dream I have written on my essays and is about to happen. I feel sinful for not being thankful with the life I live. I remind myself of how many people have prayed to be in the position of mine now.

You and I of course can feel very tired sometimes but that doesn’t mean we must stop. That also doesn’t mean that you can be strayed that you can excuse someday saying that it isn’t your fault. Gather all your strength.  It is the obstacle that must be passed before the big gain. There isn’t anything there for free. You have to sacrifice to get something precious. If it cost nothing believe me, It worth nothing. Homesick? Tired? Essays? Reading List? Come on, they are steps on the stairs, they are supposed to make you tougher. They are meant to shape you to the higher level.  Remember why you’re coming here and where are going to be in the future. Pray so you won’t get strayed. Hold onto your faith.

So, Where am I going?

Well, let me make it clear. I am going to a definitely better place where my dreams are realized there. I am going to pass these all and step up higher. I was once even in bigger problem and could handle it. I am still that strong even more now. I can and I will in the power of my God.

So, where are you going?

Cheers,

College Green, Bristol – UK

21/10/2016

If it cost nothing, It worth nothing.

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